I never understood the emotional turmoil that suddenly hits women when they realize they’re turning 30 soon. I thought I’d get it when I get close to this seemingly worrying number, but if anything, I was quite excited about it. I hit my big 30 less than two months ago and have been on my usual ‘high on life’ state since then with sprinkles of even more enthusiasm at times.

I am definitely one of those people who think the 30s are when a woman is in her sexiest phase; sexiest in the sense of character development and attitude towards life rather than just looks. I believe in the beauty of aging and the wrinkles reflecting the years of love, joy, laughter and even sadness we have lived — at least three of my close friends think I’m an alien for loving wrinkles and letting them be.

Although I’m not living the life I had planned for when I reach this age, I am absolutely in love with where I am today. I know for a fact that I am where I am because of every single experience I have lived during the past 30 years of my life, and I wouldn’t do it any differently.

Something happens in a woman’s biology at 30; I don’t know if it’s hormones or the psychology of being but at that age, we seem to know what we want more than we ever thought we did. A complete sense of confidence takes over, not in an egoistic way but rather an attitude reflecting what I know I want to do regardless of what others may expect.

Although I am only starting my 30s path, I already feel that this will be the decade of awakening of some sort. I don’t know what it is that gives it this sort of feel but maybe it’s everything I have been through that add up as life changing milestones; getting married, dealing with losing a father and a painful divorce both at the same time. I also started my own business, shut it down, took another risk and launched the first online all-woman magazine in Egypt at a risky time for the country. On a more fun side, my 30s milestones include having the luxury to travel and yet enjoying it all credit card and debt-free, getting my first tattoo after years of conflicting emotions about it and not allowing my needle phobia to get in the way, to name a few.

I don’t feel the need to go out of my way or my comfort zone to be something I know I’m not just so I’d fit in. I know where I want to go and who I want to spend my time with. I know how I want to spend my weekends and the kind of books I’d like to read. I don’t care about being called a geek for my love of libraries, bookstores and favoring them over going out on a Friday night to get trashed. I know that new year’s eve, Christmas, Eid and long vacations become memorable and special when spent with the people you genuinely love and not by waking up with a hangover the next morning not remembering what actually happened but somehow claiming “I had so much fun” anyway. I am not ashamed of my mismatch fashion style and happen to walk with poise while wearing a polka dotted skirt with a floral pattern top knowing I can pull it off.

It’s all about a balanced life even when I still don’t have everything I wanted to have by the time I’m 30. I’m young enough to enjoy every day of my life the way I want to spend it. Yet I am old enough to take the right risks without acting as recklessly as I once did in my 20s.

I don’t feel the need to be the ‘star of the show’ and having too many moments in the spotlight like I once did in my 20s. I feel grounded and comfortable enough in my skin to happily take a few steps back and just roll my own dice the way I want to and look at everything from my own perspective. After all, I have gone through enough to be able to call my own shots, be it for my personal life or career.

I know that when I choose to get married again, I will do it for completely different reasons than those I had a few years back. I know the kind of companionship I want to share with my husband to be. I know that when I prioritize my partner and family, I will not be ashamed to admit it to the world and won’t have to hide behind false ‘independence’ desires claiming I don’t need a man. I know there are things worth stressing about while others work themselves out as long as I’m doing my share, and that what’s meant to be is always for the best.

To sum it all up, I think the 30s are synonymous with true and genuine honesty, the confidence to say no to things I would otherwise say yes to just to please others. It brings about a sense of grounded and mature emotions, sexiness in that sincere state of confidence and a peak of understanding the essence of life and the things worth living for.

I once read a list of “things every woman should have and know by the time she’s 30” and I decided to share my own version of that list based on my experience:

1. Be proud of a past you have lived and realize that it made you the person you are today, with absolutely no regrets.
2. Be comfortable enough to spend time on your own and go on trips with no one but yourself and a favorite book.
3. Know when to say no and when to compromise instead, but always for the right reasons.
4. Never have to fake an emotion, an orgasm, or even a laugh.
5. Ask for what you want and stop beating around the bush.
6. Have the guts to go up to a total stranger and strike up a conversation if you feel like it.
7. Never settle, know what you’re worth, what you deserve and what all those years have led you to earn.
8. Don’t hold any grudges and don’t waste your time getting angry with the wrong people or for the wrong reasons.
9. Allocate time every week to pamper yourself one way or another without feeling guilty that you’re making time for your body and mind to unwind.
10. Don’t allow anyone to put you through a guilt trip or force you do something just to please them.
11. Have your own sense of fashion and stop following trends just because they’re in.
12. Love your body, embrace its imperfections and stop starving yourself just so others would say you’re sexy. Worry about being healthy and loving your own figure the way you want it to be rather than how you want others to see it.
13. Stop hating your ex boyfriends, pick up the phone and say you’re sorry if you’ve hurt them and forgive them if they hurt you.
14. Don’t be afraid to love and give a relationship your all while still not losing yourself in the process.
15. Don’t be afraid of confrontation despite the repercussions it might have; whether it’s to break up with the love of your life because you’re not truly happy, quit a job you’re not able to commit to anymore or even have a tough talk with a best friend without ruining the friendship.
16. Be comfortable enough to laugh at yourself even if it’s in front of other people.
17. Get out of your comfort zone and don’t worry about looking silly because the truth is, you have the guts to do it while others would sit and watch instead.
18. Never be with someone just because you can’t be alone.
19. Know who to trust and who never to confide in and why.
20. Salute yourself for going through so much in your life that didn’t break you or make you a weaker person; you should know, you are at least one person’s role model.