I had originally planned to spend my 30^th birthday in Spain with my closest friends but instead, I found myself booking a flight for March 23^rd and scheduling my visa interview without involving anyone. I felt it was time for me to put everything aside and not have to worry about anyone or anything that could be getting in the way of my well being at the time.

I got my visa, planned my route in Spain and went on airbnb.com to find myself accommodation options for the different cities I’d visit. I would start in Barcelona then head to Valencia, Seville, Granada and back to Barcelona before heading back to Cairo. A total of 14 days with not much of a plan but to re-discover myself and make friends with a forgotten and confused me.

After 15 years of an unexplained yearning to visit Spain, I finally landed in Barcelona and started my journey of exploration. I made it to my first destination – a rented room in a sunny apartment in a neighborhood away from the touristic La Rambla. Arthur, the host’s cat, shadowed me during the five days I was staying there; we kept each other company and he actually witnessed my uncontrolled flow of tears on the second night of my stay.

At the beginning, I was too uncomfortable in my own skin, irritated and exhausted so I decided to find the nearest supermarket for a home-made bite and a day in bed. Arthur’s purring relaxed me and I found myself sound asleep in no time.

On the second day, marking my 30^th birthday, I hit the streets with a map that I decided to just ignore. As I walked through the streets of the city, I found myself entangled in a messy chain of emotions: sadness, absolute excitement, confusion, irritation and a strangely big appetite. After hours of sight-seeing, I sat down for my first lunch out. Mistaken for a Spaniard, I had to handle a mind-boggling conversation with one of my neighboring tables. I didn’t speak Spanish, he didn’t speak any English but the conversation went on anyway. It was quite uncomfortable but definitely revitalizing in its own weird way.

Discovery one: No matter how strong the language barrier is, human beings can still find a way to communicate and understand each other through some sort of common needs and emotions at the time of conversation.

I went back that evening to find a few missed calls and messages with warm birthday wishes. They all made my lonely heart happy especially after talking to a couple of people I wished were there with me. I went to bed knowing I’m doing what my heart, mind and soul need and reassured myself that tomorrow will be a more uplifting day.

When you spend time alone, away from your comfort zone, your senses come to life. Food tastes different, flavors hit you strongly and even the texture of what your taste buds are savoring feel different. You start being fully aware of your surroundings. I remember spending a few hours in park Güell in Barcelona, feeling like I was truly one with nature, almost an inseparable part of it. I could hear the leaves dancing to the wind, I could hear the beautiful cooing of pigeons as they chased each other in the wild and could see every shade of their fascinating colors shine in the sun.  My hand was holding on to the pen and effortlessly guiding it on the paper with the most random yet intimate thoughts channeling every neglected emotion in reflection. I felt that I was separated from everyone and everything yet in so much harmony with my surroundings.

Two days before I leave Barcelona, a friend from school was sweet enough to send me a Spanish friend of his to take me out and show me around. Hugo, who I later discovered is pronounced ‘Ugo,’ took me to a cute little bar for some wine tasting then for the best burger in Barcelonetta. Talking to a stranger for the whole evening in a place where I knew no one and nothing was an amazing experience. Getting to know more about each other’s different traditions and cultures was refreshing. It opened up topics that we usually take for granted and often forget to really think about.

Discovery two: it is vital to live through and learn about different cultures and to be sincere when representing your own. 

I  moved on to my next destination;  Valencia. A couple of hours after I arrived I met a friend from Egypt and I have to admit, seeing a familiar face at the time was much needed and made me feel at home. I stepped back into my comfort zone for a little break, and it was perfect. I had missed speaking Arabic, missed our silly jokes and even some gossip from back home.

Discovery three: You might very much end up feeling way more comfortable with people you don’t actually know very well than others who claim to be close friends. Re-uniting with acquaintances miles away from home and in unexpected surroundings could mean so much more than spending time with some actual friends who fake almost everything they could be expressing.

I then headed to beautiful  Seville where I spent three days in the much warmer city with friendlier people than those of Barcelona, but an even worse language barrier.

Discovery four: Big, crowded cities depress me. I am more in my element when I’m away from too many commercial surroundings and closer to a less artificial environment.

There were always too many restaurant and café options as I walked around but it was this simple and unexplained feeling of comfort towards a certain place that made my choice. I would be walking and suddenly find myself pulling a chair to sit.

I was craving crab so I tried to find them on the menu, but it didn’t have any pictures and was only in Spanish. I called the waiter and pointed at two other tapas I knew meant fried chicken and fish croquettes then decided to give the crab order a go.

Me: Mmm and also crab please.

Waiter: (mumbles something in Spanish as he smiles).

Me: No hablo Espanol (and I smile back). English?

Waiter: No Englis (and smiles again).

Silence

Me: Crabs? Mmmm (I was opening and closing my fingers, mimicking the crab’s claws).

Waiter: (Laughs loudly and mumbles in Spanish again).

Me: Sea? Mmm something like piscado but walks like this (I try the crab dance again).

Waiter: Lo siento (and keeps mumbling in Spanish).

Me: (I mumble in Arabic, smile in irritation and give up).

The waiter walks away.

Discovery five: If you want to get along more comfortably in a country where you don’t speak the language and where you insist on eating what you crave, get a tourists’ language guide or a picture guide.

Onto Granada where I knew I would enjoy the most. I was staying in a rented room in one of the beautiful old houses on the mountain. I was two minutes away from a touristic point where everyone would hike up to see the view of the whole city. It was mesmerizing and emotionally capturing. I was lost in the beauty of the greenery and the aged wood of most of the houses.

I called up Victor, a friend of the amazing Belen, my host in Valencia who had informed him of my visit to Granada and told me to call him to show me around. Belen had reassured me that we would not have a problem communicating in English, and we didn’t — sort of. We met for coffee and had a nice random conversation with some difficulty in expressing ourselves due to limited vocabulary in both our languages.

Discovery six: I didn’t know I could easily just call up a stranger and decide to meet for coffee just because we have a common friend, who is practically another stranger, really.

Victor turned out to be a wonderful person who works with individuals in need of special attention due to being slow learners and also plays percussion with a Flamenco group at night. The second I heard that, my eyes went super wide and Victor instantly picked up my excitement and asked if I’d like to attend one of the shows. He called up ‘el padrino’ of the restaurant where the show is performed and asked if there’s room for a “friend from Egypt.” A few hours later, I walked to Sacromonte where I spotted Cueva de La Rocio where the show would be performed.

Discovery seven: Spanish in the south are warm-hearted, extremely friendly, welcoming and truly make you feel at home.

The show was packed and though I did not reserve in advance, I was given a special seat, was not allowed to pay a single euro and I kept getting complimentary drinks all night.

As I walked back home, I realized how my spirit was genuinely uplifted and felt so much lighter after I had spent that last week getting more comfortable in a country where I thought I did not really belong.

Despite the fact that I felt more comfortable and happier, there was still something horribly missing. I felt that there was some sort of unexplained void in my heart. I got back to the room and found a message from a special person who asked if I had time to skype. After an hour of talking to him on skype, my heart felt so much lighter. That beautiful person helped me book an earlier flight back Egypt so I’d get to spend a weekend with him in Gouna before I finally go back to Cairo. That was the most amazing piece of news I had heard for a while. It’s not that I didn’t like my trip, not at all; it was more about how exhausting it actually is to spend so much time alone and away from every single familiar element.

Discovery eight: Never take your partners for granted, ever. Always make a conscious effort to appreciate having them in your lives. They make things better when you are at your most vulnerable moments, that’s if they are the right kind of partner for you.

The next day, I was supposed to head back to Barcelona by train; a good 11-hour ride. An old friend who I last met in 2005 was going to pick me up from the station and show me around Barcelona on his scooter for the few hours I had before hitting the airport for my flight back to Cairo.

Alexi and I went around on the scooter for hours, made stops to walk around streets from which he had stories to share and went for a quick walk on the beach promenade.

Discovery nine: Never lose communication with people you meet throughout your life. Even if you’re not the closest of friends, genuine connections can last forever and during the least expected times of your life.

Discovery ten: people are beautiful souls, if you learn to get to know who they really, truly are.

The second I landed in Cairo and turned on my phone, I received a message from my man welcoming me back; a message that made my heart jump. The second I spoke to him as I waited for my luggage, my heart jumped again and my smile was as goofy as a three year old excited to finally get that long-promised cookie. The second I made my way out and found him waiting for me, I hugged him so tight and couldn’t be happier to be back home.

Discovery eleven: When you love someone, allow them in your heart fully. It’s okay to be vulnerable, afraid and let yourself go. There are no guarantees in life so just live it the way you know will make you happy deep down inside. Do not build too many walls and shut them out. If they’re the right ones for you, your heart and mind will scream it out to you in their own ways, just make sure you truly make way and listen to them.