Baffled up and definitely mind-boggled, that’s exactly how I feel when someone asks me if I’ll take to the streets with Tamarod (Rebellion) on June 30^th.  I simply do not know if I will go out there, or if I will choose to stay home and shut out in denial while my colon holds itself from exploding due to all stress spasms, or if I’ll gather with friends at one of our homes and watch the news together in anticipation. I don’t know.

If I give in to my emotions, then I will end up spending a sleep-deprived night on the 29^th, finally get out of bed at 7 am, throw up a few times from all the stress, get into something loose and comfortable then hit the streets and meet my fellow aggravated people. I will walk around with overwhelming paranoia that I will be harassed any moment now, just like I was every time I went to Tahrir. I will also be taken over by a rush of anger and enthusiasm as I find myself surrounded by thousands and hopefully millions who want Morsy and his government toppled. I will definitely feel sickened at the encounter of anyone chanting “Allaho akbar” (God is the greatest) as a way of turning it into a religious war rather than the political and economic mess it really is, abusing Islam in the dirty game of politics.

If I give in to logic, then I will end up staying behind and convincing myself that the next steps, if Morsy’s government is overthrown, are way too unclear and unplanned that we might end up in an even worse scenario.

If I give in to doubt, then I will end up questioning every political group’s benefit of such a day and how they would do anything to their favor regardless of what it means for the country and its people.

I can safely say that I have reached a point where I cannot even stay in tune with my own thoughts about the current situation in Egypt. The prevalent thought always takes over; everyone is turning everyone against whoever disagrees with them. This has been and continues to be absolutely tiring and I can only think of how much worse it could get.

I can clearly see the disasters the Muslim Brotherhood’s (MB) regime is causing in our country, the blood shed, the economic, political and diplomatic chaos and all the favoritism and injustice. I am certainly disgusted at how my president goes on TV speaking to only his followers while he publicly disregards every individual disagreeing with his shameful mistakes that continue to take us all down.

I believe Morsy is not worthy of the title he was elected into, so how could I not be a strong believer in the calls for June 30th?

In simple terms, I am more concerned about how that day might end up dividing the people even more. I am against the situation now because the country is in a complete mess in every aspect and not because it is run by a group of hypocritical Islamists — I couldn’t care less if it was run by extreme Islamists or liberal atheists as long as they provide  justice, equality, freedom and safe streets.  But if June 30^th ends up leaving us with equally, or more, messed up options without a clear path to move forward past the toppling, if it does succeed, then I don’t think I want to be part of it.

What happens after the desired repeated scenario succeeds? We topple the regime, celebrate, hold early elections and then get appalled by the running candidates. We then gather in heated dismay at elimination tactics, ignore the fact that the MB are still the most capable political power of weaving into the general public’s minds, turn against each other, dread rumors of violence and fraud during election days, stay up all night watching them sort out ballots, wake up to horrific news that yet another undesired candidate won. Oh no, what are we going to do now? Take to the streets, engage in more blood shed, argue that he has been elected by the public, and get into the same loop.

We have been longing for democracy and we finally got it twice, once in January 2011 when Mubarak’s regime was overthrown and once more in 2012 when we all voted for one of the running presidential candidates. Yes, I find our current president despicable and unworthy but the majority of my country voted for him so, in reality, he should stay in power until 2016 when it’s time for the new presidential elections.

Does this mean I agree with the current chaotic situation? Absolutely not. Would we have allowed the Islamists to topple a president they did not favor but who was yet elected by the majority? Don’t kid yourselves, we would have screamed it out loud to their faces “He was elected by the masses.”

And while I’m at it, I find it selfish and incredibly immature that people give themselves the right to cuss those who choose not to be part of June 30^th for one reason or the other. I find it equally selfish that the disagreeing bunch also cuss those who believe in tamarod and decide that they deserve every attempt of violence.

What am I suggesting? Maybe the ideal scenario is for opposition groups to actually start being more strategic in how they plan to run for presidency when the time comes. Maybe they should allocate their budgets to start working on crucial community projects that will start putting some logical sense into the public’s mind while helping them make a living as they start believing non-Muslim Brotherhood members care too. Maybe the media can start playing a more positive and non-biased role in making a more useful and encouraging impact on the people giving in to their every talk shows. Maybe our business men and wealthier people can start funding projects that will create job opportunities while taking the country’s least developed and most ignored areas forward. Maybe we should all get off each other’s backs and quit being dramatic about who’s practicing religion and who’s not and instead realize that each one of us plays a role in all this mess.

Maybe I don’t know what the alternatives are but strongly believe that I’d rather be confused and work on getting my thoughts together than just allow my fragile mind to be led into something I cannot even fathom the consequences of. I envy you if you know exactly how you feel about June 30^th and would love to feel that way. But until I do, I will continue to think realistically and will try very hard to make a decision based on what my conscience and common sense plant in my heart and mind.