Relationships is one topic that never stops being an issue to both men and women. It’s not a gender issue, it’s rather one that basically hits different chords for every person depending on their mindset, past experiences, expectations, society pressure and set principles.

I always thought relationships should be simple and quite basic in the sense that genuineness is the very core of their sustainability. However, as I grew up and peaked out of what my friends call my “utopian romantic bubble,” I realized that it is a whole different world out there. That world is made up of Hollywood, books, female friends, male friends, brothers and, of course, mothers. Not fathers, I believe they are always sincerely one-track-minded; “you’re my daughter, no one will ever be good enough for you,” bless their adorable immaturity in that one.

According to all those movies we watch — shame on you Hollywood and shame on us for believing them — men strive to impress and women almost always have them ‘wrapped around their fingers’ but only if they play hard to get so men would feel they’ve earned that special prize. Ricardo is madly in love with Josephine, but she doesn’t show it so he keeps trying to get her. Josephine is on this pedestal that is almost so impossible to reach. Every day Ricardo wakes up trying to plan his next move, and Josephine? Well, she’s smiling so cheekily because she knows she’s driving him crazy with her mixed signals and is bragging about it to her friends who salute her and keep encouraging it. Months of attempts lead to them finally being together. A few dates out, movie nights in, crazy passionate sex then one day Ricardo is tempted by the mysterious Joana who shows n0 interest in him. Suddenly, the cards are dealt differently and his new challenge is to get Joana’s attention. Why? I guess Ricardo doesn’t feel the ‘spark’ anymore and feels the need to ‘hunt’ again. And so it goes, on and on.

What do women do? They play games, yes, they most certainly do. Who is to blame for that? Women themselves, sorry but this is my theory. We love feeling chased and we allow men to enjoy that same rush because we gave in to the idea that this is how men function. What do men say? They love to chase and love to feel we’re not so easy; because apparently an easy girl is such a bore.

“To us, your power comes from one simple thing: you’re a woman, and we men will do anything humanly possible to impress you so that, ultimately, we can be with you. You’re the driving force behind why we wake up every day. Men go out and get jobs and hustle to make money because of women. We drive fancy cars because of women. We dress nice, put on cologne, get haircuts and try to look all shiny and new for you. We do all of this because the more our game is stepped up, the more of you we get. You’re the ultimate prize to us.” — Steve Harvey, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment.

We always want what we can’t have; women don’t like nice men then we complain that our partners don’t treat us right, and men don’t like easy women who are too available then they complain that they’re tired of the constant game playing. What an emotional and mental mess with so much intended hypocrisy; it is just gruesome and very unsexy.

Then those same people who plan such mind games and spend hours putting together all those schemes are the very same people who complain about how their relationships are tiring and difficult; well of course they are, you make them that way. It’s immature and really unsustainable. I believe that through it all, we forget ourselves and who we really are just so we’d appeal to that someone who might very much walk out on us when they finally get to know the real us — this applies to both men and women.

My partner in life is a person I will be sharing every part of me with, mentally, emotionally and physically. This person cannot be another source of stress and another reason for me to mask or pretend to want or not want something just so our relationship would maintain its spark.

Think of it this way, are you in the same mood every single day, let alone throughout the same day? Are you always up for an outing or do you sometimes crave to just be on your own or with your friends? Are you always a pleasant and positive chatterbox? The natural course of your every day decisions and situations will dictate how you deal with your partner, hence an actual genuine zest. One day you’ll wake up and want nothing but to spend time with your partner, another day you’ll wake up absolutely bored of the idea and just want to stay in and read a book and two weeks later you want to plan a trip with them. One time he’ll comment about how you’ve become a workaholic that he doesn’t get to spend enough time with you so the two of you will start making an effort. See? There’s still a lot going on there without you having to struggle, pretend and plot all those mind-boggling plans just to keep them interested.

Have we suddenly forgotten how messy the world already is? Why add to its constant dilemmas by turning something simple and beautiful to such a big and fake ordeal? You only live this current life once so for your own sake, stop burdening yourself with unnecessary schemes. 

Relationships are hard work in themselves, like everything else, so really there’s no need to lose their genuine essence and mask it with false pretenses. We need to stop feeding each other’s insecurities and our own with such lack of insincerity.

Editor’s note: We had our own heated up discussion about that and now you can hear it all in the first episode of our weekly podcast here.