I just had two lovely little girls who came to mean the world to me in the three months I have come to know them. Well, actually, it’s not just three months. I have known them eight months before everyone else has, I carried them, grew them, fed them, played with them in my tummy and fell in love with them before they even grew their tiny cute toes. I felt them kick and punch and they kept me up all night before anyone else even saw their pretty little faces. They gave me heartburn and backaches but I loved every little inch of them before they came to this world. I wanted to be awake and aware to meet them the second they came to our world so they wouldn’t be alone in the very first moment in life and I wasn’t concerned about my tummy being cut open or my excessive bleeding because all I could think of was how much I love those tiny little beings and how worried I was about their health and wellbeing.

So I highly doubt anyone would ever be more concerned about them than I am. Keep that in mind, okay?

Now, this list goes out to everyone concerned. I appreciate your concern, I appreciate your love and I appreciate your help if you give it. But please bear in mind that everything is not my fault; and that especially holds true if you come into our lives for just a few minutes and decide to give me tips and unsolicited advice about the girls I have been looking after every second of every day while you were comfortably napping or enjoying a hot cup of tea; a luxury most new mommies know they can’t afford. The last thing I need to deal with is someone making me feel I am not doing enough as a mother or that I am responsible for something my baby is suffering from; something I probably did my absolute best to cure or avoid, might I add.

So here goes it:

Them being gassy isn’t my fault! I burp them twice during each feed and once after. I am not giving them gas. I am researching everything that could possibly cause gas, everything that could possibly cure gas. So please, oh please, do not point it out and look at me like it’s my mistake because I am doing everything possible. Also; if they’re gassy, trust me, the person looking after them and answering their every little cry and moan knows it, so thank you for pointing out the obvious.

Babies spit up, it’s okay, really. Babies have tiny little digestive systems, they are brand new and everything is still a challenge for them. So when they spit up a little, just wipe it. Really. I don’t need to be told every little time they spit up, I don’t need that blaming look, I just need you to grab a tissue and wipe it.

They can become constipated at times, I am not responsible for it either. See above about their digestive systems. Trust me, it pains me to see them going through even the slightest discomfort. So rest assured I am doing everything possible to ease their pain.

Babies are born in a variety of sizes. Chill. I was a vegetarian who started eating chicken and meat again when I was pregnant so that my babies are as healthy as I could make them. I took my vitamins and folic acid religiously even when they gave me heartburn. Now my not putting on 20 kilos after pregnancy or my not being nice and plump is not the reason why my babies were born adorably small.

That being said, babies are also sometimes born early. Again; not my mistake. I followed the doctor’s orders to the dot, I took it slow when he ordered me to and walked when he told me to. I even took a pill daily that gave me palpitations and drove my heartbeat to the roof to avoid early delivery. My babies were anxious to come early and they decided not to wait any longer and came a month earlier than they should have. I would have wanted them to stay in there as long as possible and did everything I could to ensure it, but the universe had other thoughts. They had to stay in incubators for a week and nobody could have possibly been devastated about this as much as I was. So the last thing I need is for you to tell me that my size or eating had anything to do with it, really.

Babies sneeze, it doesn’t necessarily mean I am freezing them. I know we love to keep our babies nice and warm, and I do too, but rest assured I keep feeling their hands and noses every few minutes to ensure they’re warm and cosy. Now if they sneeze, it isn’t because I am dressing them in a cotton onesie in the middle of August, no, it’s simply because they’re babies and babies sneeze sometimes.

Some babies are slow feeders and others are fast feeders. I can’t really help that. Some babies love to take their time and others just gobble milk up in a few seconds. Mine are the slow types, that’s how they were made. I tried all different nipple sizes for their bottles, tried every trick I read about; they just like to take their sweet time. So kindly refrain from telling me that any of it is my mistake because trust me, there’s nothing I would want more than have them finish up their feeds quickly so I have time to shower and sit still for five minutes.

I truly appreciate any help I can get, I also appreciate kind advice, but there’s always a very thin line between helpful and plain annoying.