We were newly married and going out with his friends at night. I came rushing from work, changed my clothes and left quickly to the hairdresser’s.

Here I am, back, happy with my hairstyle and asking my husband how he likes it. He looks at me and says “well, it is okay, but when you put it in a pony tail it looks cuter.” I am not sure if this is a compliment as to how I usually look or a sign of not liking my hairstyle, but I ignore the comment and rush to my room to continue my endeavor to look my best.

I start working on my makeup, as natural as possible, nothing much. Here again my husband pops into the room and says, “well, when you do not wear any makeup you look more natural and your face looks prettier.” Again, not sure how to react, whether I should like the comment or get upset, but I head to my wardrobe to choose my dress.

“Shall I wear the orange or the turquoise?” My husband comes into the room and ignores the two dresses spread on the bed and picks a simple beige dress, a very plain one, and says “why don’t you try this one, it looks great on you.” So I wear it reluctantly, and here we are at the restaurant just on time and his friends start arriving.

We start the normal dining table chitchat and joking. The more I chat, talk or joke, the more uneasy he gets. He starts whispering to me, asking me to calm down, to sound less enthusiastic and to keep my tone down.

Now I really start getting upset, I wasn’t doing anything out of norm nor was I loud. It’s just that I was, in a way, the center of attention.

The dinner passes and we finally get home, and I am furious. “No makeup, simple or no hairstyle at all, flat boring dress and also no comments or conversation at all! What is it with you? Where have I gone wrong?”  He answers calmly, “Nothing wrong with you, darling, it is just that when in public, I want you to pass unnoticed.”

Oh no, jealousy is not one of his characteristics, and he is usually supportive to me and to my career. I just let go for the moment, till we discuss later on. But, later on, every dress we buy together will have to be white or beige or a fade color and I keep on hearing his comments about how much prettier I look with my natural unmade face, about how ladies should walk in the street not attracting attention and passing unnoticed.

Here I am, years and years later, after the heat of my young years have cooled down, I see a point, and a very logical point in what he says, of course after removing the jealousy-driven comments.

Veiled or unveiled, walking in the street in full makeup, in flashy colors, tight bodies and skirts does attract the wrong kind of attention. This isn’t to defend sexual harassers or blame the victims, by the way, this is a different issue.

I don’t think asking for everybody’s attention is what women, or men, want or what our religions require from us. If we read Surat an-Noor, verse 31 in the Qur’an:

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“And let them not stamp their feet so as to draw attention to what they hide of their beauty. And turn unto God, O believers (both men and women), in order that you may prosper.”

So, after all those years, I have to confess that passing unnoticed is a blessing and is a supreme order of God that my husband has understood by mere instinct.