In case you are wondering why I am writing this instead of saying it to your face, well, it sometimes feels harder to express myself in spoken words since I don’t do that often anymore.

I am asking you to think about what you are about to read and this might make you re-consider the way you feel about me or at least be more realistic about it.

I have to be honest, I don’t get upset when you flirt with me.

What woman would be mad at a handsome man flirting with her? The truth is, and without doubt, men and women like to be flirted with. I am not talking about whether it is wrong or right, nor am I talking about society’s expectation and certainly not about my moral code. I am not trying to be idealistic; just realistic. It does give me a feeling of self-satisfaction in the midst of all life’s stress, routine and responsibilities

After a long, tiring night followed by an early, stressful morning and a long drive in traffic to reach my office, I am greeted with an inbox overloaded with to-dos and deadlines as well as a bunch of calls to cater for house needs and kids’ school and sports engagements.

Then you suddenly show up with simply the perfect comment on how great I look. You just made my day! No harm done, right?

The sad question is: If you see it, why can’t my husband see it too?

At least it is living proof I am not the typical, messed up wife that stopped catering for her charm once she got married. You made me feel feminine, sexy, glamorous and, most of all, wanted. You made me feel like a woman again with every meaning the word holds.

The problem is, you made me feel the exact opposite of what my husband makes me feel. He thinks I should hide away behind a conservative, low-profile, shy person that is the exact opposite of who I am. So why does he want to turn me into something I am no even though he married this woman he wants me to stop being?  What he doesn’t understand is that faking my character only means pressure that will explode at some point like a volcano.

But you made it harder for me now since you made me stop and realize that I am turning into someone who is actually longing for a little pampering. The problem is: I am starting to get this pampering from someone other than my husband. And here is where I panic! I will never be with two men just as I will never be happy to find my husband with another woman simply because she flirts with him

What happens next?  Mixed emotions; confusion, frustration, excitement, happiness, fear, guilt, satisfaction and the list goes on

Why can’t we flirt with the right people? Wouldn’t it all make sense then and at least help us avoid these love triangles?

The notion that feelings might develop is even a scarier one to me, and this is why I have to talk to you before it all gets out of control. 

It started off as an innocent physical attraction between two people liking the way the other person looks and acts, regardless of whether it is wrong or right. We sensed we have a few things in common; a love of living a happy life, exploring, traveling, going wild, never caring about what people think and acting all spontaneous.

You believe that this attraction has grown to love and you even say you want to marry me someday. When you said that, I have to say I felt very flattered that you chose me among all the women you have seen and have been with (even sexually). But the thing is, I don’t want you to feel an obligation towards me, telling me you want to marry me so I wouldn’t think you are taking me lightly.

So don’t worry, I am not expecting you to marry me nor will I ask you to: I am already there! And the truth is, marriage does complicate things.

Lots of people fall in love and stay for years in relationships then marriage somehow wrecks it all as they discover other aspects in each others’ characters they never knew existed, or their relationship turns into a routine under life commitments and responsibilities.

Men also tend to get bored after getting married—even if they are married to the girl of their dreams. After a year or two they feel the sting of routine and boredom.Deep down, they start hunting for that spark they felt at the beginning of the relationship with other women. They miss the chase and the excitement, not the actual journey. At that point it all depends on how far each man and woman would go with that urge to chase and feel this spark. Some may stop at flirting, maybe physical satisfaction through sexual fantasies or even the most dangerous of it all; having an affair that involves emotions.

The truth is, I am in the journey itself and have to keep moving on faithfully with all my senses to build on the positives I have. Life is a package of good and bad and choosing only the good will not work. It isn’t always about having fun and going wild. We have to face reality. It is also about our attitude and responsibilities towards the people we love. But if with every obstacle I choose another life, the fun one, then I will never be truly happy and I will keep changing my life. The people I am with right now, at some point in time, represented the utmost symbol of all the passion, lust and extreme happiness—and believe it or not, even flirting.

A big part of me just wants to let go and kidnap you to an exotic beach to have fun. But the fact remains that it will never be like starting off a new relationship with only two people involved; without any exes or kids.It will never be anything like any new relationship: Having the time to explore each other’s characters, having the quality time that each couple should have to go out alone and enjoy the early phases of any relationships where lust, passion and all the sweetness is still there and even the freedom to break up or eventually get married. Maybe have kids.

It will never be that because I have been through all of that already and this journey hasn’t ended for me with lots more to come; be it good or bad. You should have the right to start off with someone who will have the energy to love you and be passionate about every part of who you really are.

Maybe you feel a very strong attraction to me as a person you wanna be with, share some travel experiences with and go out to explore and have some fun. Maybe even kiss and more. But I have learnt that liking someone is all about loving the good things about a person. But, loving someone is all about loving the bad things too and putting up with it; accommodating these bad traits throughout different situations we go through in life. But you don’t know me that much to see the bad traits in my character nor have you seen me in different contexts and maybe if you do, you would either fall madly in love with me or, on the contrary, think “nah, she’s not the one I wanna spend the rest of my life with!”

That is, of course, if you wanna spend the rest of your life with only one woman.

You adore women and you always will and I will not accept sharing you. You say I am the one one; but wouldn’t we be going through the same journey that might get us where we are right now but with different people? Maybe you would have swapped places with my husband and I would be flirting with him right this moment.

Having realized that, shouldn’t I be focusing on making my relationship better instead of finding excuses to take the easy way out?

You told me before that you completely understand what I am going through nor do you expect me to leave everything behind and be with you and that you are not expecting anything from me. But also I remember quite well that you told me to tell you if I think it’s a dead end so I wouldn’t keep you waiting for nothing.